BEING GOOD STEWARDS OF OUR RELATIONSHIPS
When we talk about stewardship in the Christian life, we mean taking responsibility for the things the Lord has entrusted to us. Our first thought about stewardship is money. But relationships are a gift from God as well.
In our text today, Colossians 3:12-14, Paul is speaking to those of us who have put on the new “self” made in the likeness of Christ. What Paul wants is for Jesus followers to show that we understand Jesus and display him in our lives. Where do we show this? In our relationships.
What stands out in this text – actually, it’s glaring – is the key to successful human relationships: love and forgiveness. And I think that may be the hardest part.
I have a confession to make. I’ve been pretty poor at the forgiveness part. I have struggled with an old wound. In smaller ways, I have wrestled with forgiveness for those who offend, wound, or slight me.
A little more than five years ago, a friend I’ve known for almost 40 years, called me and left an enduring wound. At one time, I called him my “best friend.” We were best men at each other’s weddings. On this occasion, I was at a low point, out of work, and a seminary course I had designed to teach was cancelled. This fellow called in response and mocked my pain, saying “Poor Darryl, blow after blow, nothing’s going right for you.” Then he abruptly hung up after a quick dismissal. I was stunned. I knew then that a great chasm existed between us.
Paul wrote, “…forgive one another…Forgive as the Lord forgave you…”
What does that look like? Maybe you have imagined a response like mine. I imagined that if I saw him at a concert or some other event, I would act like I didn’t know him, keep my eyes down, find other people to talk to. I imagined him acting like nothing was wrong, even hugging me, but my arms would hang limp.
If you have been offended or wounded by someone you loved, what do you do? Can you trust them again? Do you have to? Do you act like nothing happened? Do you ignore your pain and suck it up?
Think of the way Jesus responds to us. We wound him. We offend him. Imagine how he would approach you at the end of a concert. He sees you in the lobby and he comes right up to you, warm smile and kind words. Jesus embraces you. But I hurt him! I betrayed our friendship by my words or by my actions. He knows it. I know it. But grace covers him like a radiant light. Maybe that response opens up a conversation. Maybe our hearts spill out for each other.
That’s not how I respond. But my way is that old adage that says unforgiveness is like taking poison and expecting the other guy to die. Unforgiveness kills you, not the other guy.
I read about a stewardship consultant who went to a Christian medical conference. Most of the sessions were over his head, so he went to one led by a Christian psychiatrist because he thought he could understand him. One thing stood out so profoundly, he never forgot it. The psychiatrist said, “Ninety percent or more of all counseling could be eliminated entirely if people would learn to forgive.”
He went on to share example after example of how failure to forgive did serious emotional and physical damage to those who refused to forgive. We destroy ourselves when we refuse to extend forgiveness.
But failing to forgive others also damages our relationship with God. John wrote, “If anyone says, ‘I love God,’ yet hates his brother, he is a liar. For anyone who does not love his brother, whom he has seen, cannot love God whom he has not seen,” (1 John 4:20). I saw a video last Saturday of my friend giving an interview and was repulsed by his “aw shucks, I’m just a farm boy,” routine. And I was so angry I felt hatred for him. I repented of that feeling. But you know, we cannot tolerate hatred in our hearts. It has no place in the life of a person who says they love God.
This is why Paul writes to the Colossians. He knew that relationships are messy. We are such unique creatures that any two of us will find differences between us. Politics, religion, money…we can disagree over anything. And Paul fights for unity in the midst of diversity. His argument goes like this:
Therefore, as God’s chosen people… (12a)
Where have we heard that expression before? It’s a pretty special label in fact. In the OT, God used this expression for the children of Israel. Out of all the nations of the earth, God had chosen Israel to be his own special people (Deut. 7:6-11).
God chose this people to be different than the rest of the nations. What would make them different was their way of living, their way of behaving with each other, their way of doing community. The foundation of this “difference” was the law of God. By their obedience to the law, the people would be different.
So, it’s no mistake that Paul uses this term now of Christians. But he doesn’t speak of the law as the foundation of their behavior, but of clothing themselves with “compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience.” Does that sound familiar? What does that sound like? The fruit of the Spirit. The law of Moses always pointed to these qualities, but it was so hard to follow through. But then the Spirit of Christ came to fill us with those qualities.
As God’s special people, we need to allow the Spirit to grow these qualities in us. How do we do that?
Paul gives four commands or “musts” for managing Christian relationships:
Four Important “Musts” for Christlike Relationships
1) Clothe yourselves (12b) – we are to wear compassion, kindness, etc. like a sports jersey. To show kindness to another member of the church tells people what team we play for.
2) Bear with each other (13a) – I think the word used here is “forbearance.” You could say “tolerate,” but to tolerate someone is like “rolling your eyes” when they say something dumb. When a story is told for the fifth time, smile and thank God for this person.
3) Forgive one another (13b) – I’m coming back to this one because it is the most crucial to stewardship of relationships and because it is the hardest. Think about how Jesus teaches us to pray: “Forgive us our debts as we also have forgiven our debtors,” (Matt. 6:12). Do you hear what we are asking in this prayer? We are not just asking God to forgive us our sins, we are asking him to forgive us in the same proportion that we forgive others. In other words, “use the same standard of forgiveness on me that I use on others.” Then Jesus concludes his teaching on prayer saying if you don’t forgive others, your Father will not forgive you. Whoa! There is no wiggle room on forgiveness.
4) Put on love (14) – the power to forgive is rooted in love. God’s love is the foundation for our loving others. Listen to this: There is no hurt that we have experienced in life that exceeds the hurt we have inflicted on Jesus. And yet he loves us and forgives us every day. He is asking us to do the same thing in our relationships: to love and forgive one another just as Christ loves and forgives us.
Elizabeth Moyer of the Institute for Faith, Work, and Economics offers these points to help steward love in your relationships:
1. Invest – Get to know people you do life with. Family, friends, neighbors, coworkers – if you know people and love them, it becomes harder to hold offenses or wounds. If you know them, you know they didn’t mean to hurt you.
2. Know yourself – You cannot give what you do not have. Loving others means knowing what you have to give. People demand things of us sometimes that we are not gifted in and it makes us feel inadequate. What you do have to give, give extravagantly.
3. Pursue Jesus to Pursue others – Follow the example of Christ. Jesus ate with sinners and tax collectors. He loved the least loveable people. Jesus loved when it was hard or convenient or unpopular.
4. Pray – pray for your relationships. Pray about the tough ones. Pray for grace to love those who wound you. Pray for power to forgive rather than give the cold shoulder.
Relationships are a gift. We were created in the image of God and God is very relational. The Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit are so in tune they are three persons in one God. And God calls us to join the three-in-one in their dance.
AMEN
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