CALLED: THE COVENANT OF MARRIAGE
Marriage is God’s idea. The very first wedding was orchestrated by him when he introduced the first man to the first woman. I think God has a romantic side to him.
The Bible begins with a marriage in Genesis, and it ends with a marriage in Revelation, the wedding supper of the Lamb. You can’t understand the storyline of scripture, or even the gospel itself, without understanding something about marriage.
And yet, many couples enter into marriage with exaggerated expectations. When they share their vows, they land heavy on “For better…for richer…and in health,” while quietly overlooking “…for worse…for poorer…and in sickness.” And when those harder realities come, many people don’t just lose their happiness – they become disoriented and disappointed, unsure of what marriage was supposed to be.
I remember feeling that myself. As a young man, I looked forward to being married. My mother would often ask in a somewhat cynical tone, “Why do you want to get married?” insinuating that singleness was easier. I never knew how to read her tone except to say that marriage had not always been easy for her. Thankfully, when Sharon entered the picture, she didn’t ask that question anymore.
Before marriage was ever about romance or personal happiness, it was God’s answer to something he said was not good – that a human being should be alone.
Genesis 2:18-25 shows us God’s design for life together: relationship. What was God’s design for marriage? The testimony of God’s creation story teaches us that God’s vision for marriage calls husbands and wives to reflect his self-giving love.
With this vision of marriage, couples can find a reset for their relationships, young people can be reoriented, and all of us – including those are single – can better understand the gospel itself.
1. We Were Not Meant to be Alone (Genesis 2:18-20)
Everything in creation up until this point has been good. God created the day, the waters, the land, the birds…and each time “saw that it was good.” But there’s trouble in paradise. “Then the LORD God said, ‘It is not good that the man should be alone…’”
This is a very surprising statement. Even before sin came into the world, something was not good. And really, it is inexplicable that a man could be unhappy in paradise. How could the man be lonely? There’s only one answer. God created the man not only for relationship with himself, but also for relationship with others. We need God; there is no doubt.
But consider that God made humans to need others. This is the most un-self-centred act we can imagine. God made human beings to need not just him, but other human beings. This is profoundly humble since God could have kept our attention on him alone. Yet he created humans to be in relationship with one another. This is not about being or getting married – it’s not about that. Singleness is a gift. But as humans, we were created for relationship.
The LORD responded to this need. He said, “I will make a helper fit for him.” The man needs a helper in life. I think we can misunderstand words like “helper” and think of someone inferior or weaker – someone to do the stuff we would rather not do. But the Hebrew word for “helper” is often used in the OT as military reinforcements. It’s like the old westerns when the wagon train is being attacked and the cavalry comes to lend assistance.
God even uses the term “help” of himself in many cases. He is the “help” that Israel needs. “Helper” is a strong word; it is a divine word. And God uses it to refer to the woman. What the woman brings into the man’s life is strength. To help someone does not imply that the helper is stronger than the helped. It simply means that the one helped is not strong enough on his own.
Note that this helper is one who is suitable for the man. This is a strange word. Tiim Keller said it is made up of two Hebrew words. Translated literally, it means “I will make a helper like opposite him.” It sounds like a mistake – “like opposite.” How can you be like AND opposite? You can’t. Yes, you can, if we think in complements. It’s like two pieces of a puzzle – they can’t fit together if they are identical. But they can’t be different in general; they have to be right differently. They are opposite but complementary.
Karl Barth, a theologian, said that if God gave Adam someone exactly like himself, he would still be lonely, because he would have only seen himself. Now when God brings the animals to the man to consider them, even dogs – man’s best friend – could not fill that void. The man would still be alone. Instead, the LORD will bring the man someone who is equal but different; someone who corresponds.
2. We Were Made for Each Other (2:21-23)
Following the object lesson where God has the man discover that among the animals “there was not a helper fit for him,” God causes man to fall into a deep sleep. This term for sleep is sometimes used in the Bible for visionary sleep.
When Adam wakes up, he sees the woman and it’s a revelation – a visionary experience! See what he says when God brings him the woman? “This is at last bone of my bones...” Adam sees Eve and he breaks out in poetry; he explodes into art – the first poem in world history.
The expression “at last” should be understood as “finally!” Adam was saying, “This is what I’ve been looking for all my life!” There is a sense of completion in this exaltation, like the missing piece has been found.
We have all been taught that the woman came from Adam’s rib, and there is good reason for that. Matthew Henry famously said, “Not made out of his head to top him, not of out of his feet to be trampled upon by him, but out of his side to be equal with him, under his arm to be protected, and near to his heart to be beloved.” That’s good. However, scholars say that the term “rib” in other texts means “side.” God forms the woman from the side of the man, so she is his other half. They correspond to one another. God made humans in two categories: male and female. Like two halves of humanity. Marriage is the joining of two distinct male and female individuals who correspond to one another.
Now does that mean that those who never marry are incomplete? Certainly not. Jesus never married and was not incomplete. Even though Jesus was the perfect man, he still needed relationships with women. Martha and Mary were among his closest friends. So, what it does mean is that women and men need each other? There is a certain balance that is realized when men and women partner together in work, in marriage, and especially in the church. The two halves of humanity come together as one in order to rule together as image-bearers in this world.
But remember, men and women are “like opposite.” Though we are sharing life together, working together, raising families together, we are different in our thinking. There’s going to be head-butting as result. This is both the frustration and the joy of being two genders. It is frustrating because a spouse can often feel like they are wrong all the time. Both feel this at times. The wonderful part is that you have this person in your life who God uses to shape you and add a second thought to your processes. As a single person, you can do what you want; but in marriage, you have to think of the other. And in a very tangible way, you become more of who you were meant to be because of your spouse. I’m better than I was because of how women have added to my personal formation.
Again, this is true of married and unmarried. We are all shaped by our relationship to the opposite gender. We were made for each other, to help each other to be human. It is the way God created us; his design for men and women was to empower one another to do what God has called us to do.
3. We are Called to be Covenant Witnesses (2:24-25)
Neither God nor the man speaks next, but the narrator tells us something powerful about marriage. The narrator says, “Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. And the man and his wife were both naked and were not ashamed.”
First, we see the nature of the union of marriage. When a man and a woman marry, they become a unity. Not just a sexual union; it is spiritual, emotional, and relational. As the narrator affirms, the husband and wife are as connected as if they were related by flesh and bone. The ideal of marriage is that it is a relationship characterized by harmony and intimacy between the partners.
We talked about how the woman was the “help” the man was looking for. She was the cavalry coming in to save him. If we look at Ephesians 5, we see Genesis 2 reversed. “Husbands love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her,” (25). Now the husband comes to help the wife, to give himself for her, to help her to be the person God meant her to be. He is to be like Christ to her. How did Christ serve the church? By putting aside his claims to be God and dying a slave’s death for her (Phil. 2:6-8).
We begin to see God’s design for marriage has a larger purpose. Marriage is a microcosm, a miniature representation of the enormity of God’s love. In the OT, God says repeatedly, “I am the bridegroom, and you, my people, are the bride.” God pictures his relationship with humanity as a man and a woman in relationship. And in the NT, Christ continues that imagery saying that he is the bridegroom and the church is the bride.
What does that teach us about marriage and God? That like a man needs a woman, you need to have Christ in your life. He is not someone you just believe in and obey - you need belong to him the way a husband and wife belong to each other, you are united to him, you receive his love and are shaped by it. He is the “help” that you have always needed. He is like you, but not you. He is like you in that you share his image, being created human. But he is not like you in that he is holy. You need him to work with you, comfort you, and challenge you like a spouse does. In fact, you will never be the person you are supposed to be unless he comes into your life. He is the lover of your whole being. And how can you not respond to that kind of love but by submitting to him?
Paul says, “This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church,” (5:32). The two are linked: How a man loves his wife and how a wife loves her husband represents the love of God in Christ for the church. Marriage is a testimony of how God loves us: unconditionally and to the giving of self even if it means death. In other words, when your marriage reflects the love of Christ, it is another way in which to bear witness to the world of God’s covenant love.
Tim Keller says this is the Christian vision for marriage and falling in love. He wrote, “It is to look at another person and get a glimpse of the person God is creating, and to say, ‘I see who God is making you, and it excites me! I want to be part of that. I want to partner with you and God in the journey you are taking to his throne. And when we get there, I will look at your magnificence and say, 'I always knew you could be like this!" Each spouse should see the great thing that Jesus is doing in the life of their mate through the Word, the gospel.”
What does this mean for us today? It means that marriage is more than a personal relationship to enjoy. It is a covenant (promises to be faithful) to live out.
When a husband and wife choose to be faithful “for better or for worse,” they are not just enduring the challenges of life– they are bearing witness to the faithfulness of God.
When they give themselves to one another in love, they are reflecting the self-giving love of Christ.
And as they walk together through the shaping, stretching, and sanctifying work of life together, they are not just growing as individuals – they are participating in what God is doing to make them into who they were created to be.
If you are single or widowed, this vision is for you too. It points you to who Christ is for you, the one who meets your deepest need, who never leaves you nor forsakes you, who loves you with perfect love.
Genesis begins with a wedding where a man and a woman are united and unashamed. The story of the Bible ends with a wedding where Christ is united with his people, and they no longer bear any shame because of his shed blood.
The call for all of us is the same: Live and love in such a way that our relationships bear witness to the covenant love of God in Christ.
Marriage is a window through which the world catches a glimpse of the covenant love of God. Marriage is a living parable of God’s self-less love.
AMEN
No comments:
Post a Comment